Am I self-aware or just neurotic?
At what point does self-awareness starts corroding your thinking?
Somewhere on the coast of a Mediterranean shore, body dipped in the gentle waves, I watch the clouds of sea foam reach the beach. My chest hurts a bit from trying to suffocate the hyperventilation happening beneath the smiles and easy laughs, but first things first, I am certain my so-called “presence of mind” is starting to ruin a lot of things for me.
Self-awareness is a great catalyst for growth and is much needed in our society. It is truly a blessing to be surrounded by self-aware individuals, they tend to be considerate, insightful, have a great perspective and express themselves well. On the other hand, there is a side to this conversation that doesn’t consider the far end of the self-awareness spectrum.
Most of us spend a good amount of time in our minds, for me it is my favourite thing about me and my favourite place to exist. Conversations are happening in there that are highly entertaining, enlightening, and outrageously funny. The few time times it is not, it can feel like a very threatening and paralysing place to be. If you’re like me, your self-awareness developed involuntarily due to your sensitivity to the outer world and how it usually affects your inner world. Knowing how your inner world and the external world interacted in harmony was essential for a healthy livelihood.
So, why do our minds feel like it’s turning on us sometimes?
Something to consider is that there is an aspect of our development not in our control and our journey to self-awareness may have some blind spots. The number of things that could contribute to the complex development of our psychology seems endless. The same self-awareness that could help unravel these truths within us could be the same thing that inflicts self-destructive neuroticism. Although this post may not offer the scientific answer one may be looking for, it hopes to contemplate questions we let fly under the radar.
Here is what I’ve learned so far, anything in excess ceases to be good or productive (a little cliche but hear me out) especially the over-observance of our psychological states. Self-awareness is a powerful skill to develop in a sometimes tone-deaf and unaware society that has people more concerned with appearing self-aware than actually exercising genuine reflection.
So, at what point does self-awareness start corroding our thinking? I’ll say at the point where you start overthinking things you shouldn’t. You know your awareness is corroding your thinking when you lose the ability to act because you are paralysed by the circles your mind has spun; when excessive introspection deafens your focus and your ability to break out of neurotic tendencies that keep you out of touch with the reality of things.
It is easy to acknowledge this in retrospect, in the moment it is not so obvious when you are overwhelmed by your mind. Sometimes it is what it is and you may just have to surrender to the outcome of your current state but I think it is important to spend time knowing yourself enough to know what the best course of action is when those moments come. Being able to mobilise (physically and mentally) myself has been a helpful reset, it took me having to do it repeatedly to get some semblance of this lesson. In the end, it looks like neuroticism may be the thin side of the coin separating self-awareness and ignorance.
Do you have any reflections on your self-awareness? Join us in the comments :)
Thank you for reading the Traveling Village Girl Newsletter.
Dear TVG, another well written take. I guess that is why it has been said that ignorance is bliss. As kids, we lived a life of innocence, which is essentially a lack of (self) awareness. In the abscence of the knowledge of "good and evil", we lived freely, without shame, and fear of judgement. Sound familiar? Then one day we wake up and notice that we care about how we are perceived. Our minds had essentially been banished from Eden, a place of blissful ignorance. This looks like a burden intended for the gods. It makes sense then how these matters weigh so heavily on us. It is written, heavy is the head. That should then mean that self awareness is a source of power. How powerful we must be to harbour such levels of cognitive processing. That is the bitter sweet of the apple. Selah.